If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
