Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
