Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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