I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
