I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
