i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
