so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
