just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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