WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize