you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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