That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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