Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
