I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
