Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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