You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
