I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
