If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
