ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
