flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
