There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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