Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
