Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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