drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Your cock deserves a montage
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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