every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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