Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
