You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
