Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
