fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
