I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
