It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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