She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
