They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Let's get the cat blown out
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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