My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
