The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
