carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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