Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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