he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
