There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
