You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
