She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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