That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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