besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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