Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
