i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
