Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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