am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
