I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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