What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
