I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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