When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
