if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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