if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't deserve a penis
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
