Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
