We need to rekindle our bromance
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
