it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
